THE CHINESE WEDDING PROCEDURE
The process began with an elaborate marriage proposal and acceptance. This process was placed in the hands of a go-between, who acted as a buffer between the two parties – a role similar to that of a real estate agent today. The important parties in proposal and betrothal negotiations were the parents of the prospective bride and groom, rather than the bride and groom themselves. “Marriage was for continuing the ancestral line and creating alliances between families –; too important a duty to be left in the rash hands of the young," Costa explains.” When the boy’s parents identified a likely bride-to-be, they would send the go-between to present gifts to the girl’s parents and to sound out their feelings about the match. If the proposal was well-received, the go-between would obtain the date and hour of the girl’s birth recorded on a formal document. The groom’s family would place this document on the ancestral altar for three days. If no inauspicious omens, e.g. quarrels between the parents or a loss of property, took place within that time, the parents would give the information to a astrological expert to confirm that the young woman and their son would make a good match. If the boy’s family found the horoscope to be favorable, they gave the boy’s birth date and hour to the go-between to bring to the girl’s family, who would go through the same process. Only after both outcomes were favorable, would the two families arrange to meet. Finally face-to-face, each family evaluated the other in terms of appearance, education, character, and social position. If both were satisfied they would proceed to the betrothal.
First both sets of parents exchanged family credentials as tokens of intention. Then, after extensive bargaining, the two families would arrive at the amount of money and goods that would make up the gift to the girl’s family. After presenting engagement tokens, the go-between would ask the bride’s family to chose among severalauspicious wedding dates suggested by the boy’s family and also set a date for presenting betrothal gifts. The boy’s family presented betrothal gifts of money and significant items such as tea, "Dragon (male) and Phoenix (female)" bridal cakes, pairs of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, wine and tobacco, accompanied by an itemized statement of these gifts. Tea was such a primary part of these gifts in some areas that they were known collectively as cha-li, that is, "tea presents." The girl’s family reciprocated with gifts of food and clothing. It was customary for the girl’s family to distribute the bridal cakes they received from the boy’s family to friends and relatives as a form of announcement and invitation to the wedding feast. The number of cakes given to each was established according to a rigid etiquette, on the basis of seniority and degree of intimacy. Those who received the bridal cakes, were expected to present congratulatory gifts to the girl’s parents. The boy’s family’s gifts acknowledged the parents’ efforts in raising the girl, and by accepting the gifts, the girl’s family pledged her to the boy’s. It is interesting to note that the bride was given to the family rather than the groom alone. Although the bride and groom probably had not met yet, betrothal was considered binding unless both families agreed to annul the contract.
3) The Dowry
Several days after the presentation of the betrothal gifts, the girl’s family sent porters with an inventoried dowry to the boy’s house. The dowry consisted of practical items, including a chamber pot, filled for the occasion with fruit and strings of coins. This procession gave the girl’s family the opportunity to display both their social status and their love for their daughter, and wealthy parents often included serving girls to attend their daughter in her new home. Betrothals generally lasted for a year or two, although child betrothals would last until the children had grown to marriageable age.
4) Bed Setting
Preparation on the part of the groom involved the installation of the bridal bedroom the day before the wedding. A propitious hour and a ‘good luck woman’ or ‘good luck man’, that is a man or women with many children and living mates, were selected to install a newly purchased bed. (The installation ceremony consisted of merely moving the bed slightly; the actual work was done by servants or friends.) After the bed was in place, children were invited onto the bed as an omen of fertility –; the more, the merrier. For the same reason, the bed was scattered with red dates, oranges, lotus seeds, peanuts, red bean, green bean, candy and other fruits. Part of the fun was watching the children scramble for the fruit.
5) Hair Dressing
The "Hair Dressing" Ritual of the bride and the "Capping" Ritual of the groom symbolized their initiation into adulthood and were important parts of the wedding preparations. Red, symbolic of joy, featured prominently in the clothing and other ritual objects pertaining to the wedding. At dawn on her wedding day (or the night before), the bride bathed in water infused with pumelo, a variety of grapefruit, to cleanse her of evil influences –; and one suspects as a cosmetic to soften her skin in the manner of contemporary alphahydroxls. She put on new underclothes and sat before lit dragon-and-phoenix candles. A ‘good luck woman’ attended the bridal preparations. She spoke auspicious words while dressing the bride’s hair in the style of a married woman. After completing her wedding preparations, the bride bowed to her parents and to the ancestral tablets and awaited the arrival of the bridal procession from the groom’s house.
传统中式結婚禮儀流程 現時大部份人都簡化三書六禮的程序，只保留過大禮及迎親。男家擇定良辰吉日，攜帶禮金和多種禮品送到女家。
2) 女家回禮
當男家送贈禮金和禮品到女家後，女家不會全取的，會將一半或若干的禮物退還給男家，即回禮。
3) 嫁妆
女家的妝套最遲要在婚前一天送到男家，嫁妝的貴重象徵著女家的身份與財富。當嫁妝送到男家後，男家會請親友好出來「迎妝」，給予送妝者利是。一般嫁妝主要是象徵好兆頭的物品
4) 安床
完成過大禮後，擇好吉日，舉行安放新床及舖床的儀式。安床後任何人都不可進入或觸碰新房，直至新人結婚當晚洞房為止。
5) 上頭
在婚禮前一晚，擇定良辰（男方要比女方早一小時前），分別由「好命佬」及「好命婆」（即有褔氣的長輩）各自在家中進行上頭儀式，象徵一對新人已步入「成人」階段，並祝福他們同偕白首。
6) 男方迎親
迎親可說是整個婚禮的高潮之一，新郎在戥穿石陪同下，要經過一連串接新娘遊戲及最重要的開門利是，才能順利接得美人歸。開門後，由大妗姐或伴娘帶領新娘出來交給新娘父親，再由父親交給新郎。新人先拜過天地及祖先，再向雙親奉茶跪拜。 新娘需準備兩封利是，分別為威旺金及滿堂利是，在過門後交予家姑。
7) 女方出門
完成迎親儀式後，由大妗姐或伴娘陪伴新娘出門回男家。陪伴新娘者需開著紅傘，護著新娘出門，直到登車。 上花車前，新娘應向送行的親友鞠躬，以示謝意。
8) 女方過門
由男家迎接新娘回男家，拜見翁姑及其他長輩。先拜天地，再拜祖先，然後向翁姑及其他長輩親戚奉茶跪拜。翁姑給一對新人利是後，會送上首飾給新娘。 吃中午飯，翁姑需預備九道菜的中午飯，象徵長長久久。
備註：翁姑不可在大廳迎接新人進門，須由房間出來大廳會見新人。中午飯或可減至八道菜或六道菜，但切忌七道菜。
9) 新人回門
新婦由夫婿陪同下於結婚當天或三天內，帶備燒豬及禮品回娘家。
